Fast Part II

The fast ended last week, it was 21 days long. The outcome of this fast is that I have a clearer picture of how much I need God's saving grace! I have become reminded of how worldly I am, how I follow my flesh reactions so often.
The first week I set aside Jeremiah's first nap time, when we usually are getting lots of schooling done and prayed with the kids. I tried not to have a predetermined notion of how I thought it would go, with their shorter attention spans. They did well. We talked before we started about making a prayer list, listening to God and worshiping with our whole attention and hearts focused on Him. It was good, now I want to keep that as a part of our days. It is difficult to make time to stop and pray, but it is a good thing to do. I tried to model prayer and waiting before the Lord, but it was hard with them interrupting! It didn't feel like I was really focused on the fast or on my time with God. I know He understands and He was faithful to meet me in those moments.
Toward the end of the fast I was getting pretty frazzled, with Gaylen gone. That was part of the Lord working in me, though. I really came to the end of myself and then relied on God. I wish I would've gotten to the "rely on God" part a little sooner, it would've been so much more peaceful than me doing it on my own!
I want to do another fast, to stay focused on the Lord. I want to stay in that place of closeness with Him, meditating on the goodness of His life giving Word.

Fast

Our church does a fast during the month of January. I think it lasts 30 0r 40 days, (I always forget!) and the first year I fasted one meal, choosing to read the Word and pray during that meal time. The kids were in public school that year and I was alone at home, so I fasted lunch and feasted on the Word. It was amazing. I have never had such a rich time in the Word, or such a time of feeling God's presence. The next year I was pregnant and did not fast any food, but entertainment. That was almost more difficult than going without food. I am way too addicted to TV, movies and internet. It was also more difficult to make time when the kids were homeschooling to have completely quiet alone time in the Bible. I am determined to make this year's fast meaningful. I am determined to be intentional about it.
I may fast a food item, like sugar or meat, but I know I am going to fast from reading my favorite blogs. Too often I distract my mind with reading (good, good stuff on) blogs rather than turning to the Word. I do so knowing that I'm choosing to not allow God to work in my life. It is much more comfortable to read a blog, than to read the life changing Word of the Lord.
I also think we'll be cutting out cable TV. We need to be intentional about budgeting and this is one easy area to do so. I will be able to use that time to study the Word and just spend time listening to the heart of my Beloved.
So that's what I hope to do. I have so much to pray about, so much that I want His direction in. I know God is faithful to reveal Himself to us when we seek Him.

Why is what I want to do opposite of what I do?

Last Monday was my 31st birthday. I gave myself a 'homeschool holiday' for the day and snuggled into the couch with a science fiction book. My kids were very compliant about this interruption in our schedule, and even cleaned their rooms (with a little prompting from dad). This is all well and good. Little breaks and holidays are needed. The problem came when I found myself very unmotivated the rest of the week. Now, I can think of very many excuses why I did not practice diligence last week, but none of them really matter.
I completely dropped the ball in everything: housework, Bible study, prayer time, exercise, home-organization, healthy eating...the list goes on.
Not too long ago our pastor challenged us to lift the church up in prayer and to fast as part of this prayer time. I participated in a month-long fast during which I did not eat lunch, instead I prayed and read the Word during lunch time. The kids were still in public school at the time so the house was quiet and it was so amazing. I have never felt such an awareness of how incredible the scriptures are. I felt so "close" to God. I found so much motivation to live "on purpose," I saw myself practicing diligence in many areas of my life that month. So I look at the two extremes of those times in my life and wonder if I will ever find a consistency in me. I am grateful that my Heavenly Father does not lose patience with me in my widely oscillating moods, attitudes and commitment levels! O what would I do without His grace?!
So it's Sunday. I'm looking at the week ahead and wondering what will come of it.
I have determined in my heart "to live purposefully and accurately, making the most of the time" (Eph 5:15-16 Amplified) not only will I rejoice in this, but also I will live in such a way as to please Him today. I am not responsible for living everyday perfectly; I am responsible for saying everyday, "Today is His. I will rejoice. I will serve. I will follow."