Don't know if I believe her anymore

The doctor did say she thought Jeremiah would be here before Easter...
My doctor visit today was good. She believes he'll come before the weekend. Only God knows if she's right! She also guessed that his weight would be 7lbs 14oz. No idea how she gets that accurate of a guess, but time will tell! I am dilated to almost 3 cm, so the string of contractions I had last night were very productive. She said if I start having pains like that again, to just go to the hospital. I know from the previous two labors that it took very little time to progress from 3cm to 10cm. I also remember those kinds of contractions being intense. As in difficult to drive myself to the hospital...hope hubby will be home for that phase! I really have no desire to deliver my baby in my new (to me) minivan!! That would be quite the story, though!! Needless to say all Grandmas are on high alert!

I have laundry and dishes to do...and some walking too, wink-wink. So glad my neck is all better. Formal schooling won't be happening today either...just the fun learning-while-living that always happens around here!

Serious pain in the neck

I was in tears yesterday. Sure, it was probably due to the hormones that have my emotions on edge right now, but my neck hurt! Still does, but seems to be subsiding. You know that place where you don't know if it would be better to remain absolutely still or try and gently, ever so gently move around to see if the pain would ease itself out? Yeah that's where I am. So when Gaylen let me know of an invitation for he and Charlie to go fishing this a.m., on our 11th wedding anniversary, I could care less. I'm glad they got to go have boy time. Kait and I stayed home to watch movies. And keep heating pads on my neck.
I have been anxious to meet my baby but for the last two days I've prayed not to have this neck pain and the pain of labor at the same time! Gaylen said,"wonder how many really big contractions you'd have before you'd completely forget about the hurting neck!" Probably true, but I sure didn't want to try that one out!
I've been reading about labor and reminding myself what I'm in for. I've contemplated the age old question of natural or epidural-assisted labor. I think I was scared of a needle in my back, but look on my past two natural labors as positive experiences. I remember the pain, but I also remember the incredible rush of knowing that my body did what it was supposed to do and brought a human being into the world. This time I'm not so scared of an epidural. I've wondered what I would say if the Dr. asked me if I wanted to assist labor with Pitocin. I don't know. There are so many view points out there that are conflicting. I just don't know. I'm praying that I won't be faced with that decision, that labor will just start and progress quickly, like with the other two. I don't think any less of women who have chosen to get an epidural-I don't know how their labor felt. I certainly don't think any higher of myself for not getting an epidural. That's just how my story played out.
Last night, in the middle of my neck muscle spasms whenever I tried to get comfortable. I was all for numbing the pain from the eyeballs down. Gaylen just rubbed my neck in silence. Smart man!

Focus

The house is quiet, except for the sounds of bird's singing and the breeze drifting through the branches of trees in my backyard. The sunlight is golden, filtering in though open windows and doors. The trees have begun to put on their spring greens. It is a green that is bright and new, exuding life and hope. The little boy in my belly stirs, pushing against my flesh that cocoons him in safety and warmth. My hand goes to the movement, trying to discern if it is a foot or elbow, speaking out loud to him, aching to hold him in my arms.
The bigger kids in my heart are not just unnaturally quiet, their granny has taken them for a few hours. Her gift of time to me is priceless. I just have to decide how to best spend it. The first thought is a nap in the hammock under the spring-green trees and baby blue sky, with nothing but the breeze to disturb me. The idea that there are so few days before the little boy in me makes his debut fills my head with lists. I've been going a little easy on our school days, letting the kids soak up some of the peace from outside. I've also been listening to my body when it tells me to sit and rest. I think it will be easy to find a balance for the next couple of hours between work and quiet. I will, in all my pursuit of planning and working, keep the doors open to the breeze and to hope.

Can't blame winter blues

Since the sun has shining and we've been experiencing spring like days, I don't think we can blame our lack of motivation to keep at our schooling on the wintery days some are having right now. I've tried this week to keep us on track, but the spring breezes wafting in our windows are so distracting. I did plan in some weeks off for this reason, knowing that this is a time of year when it is easy to be tired of the same-old-thing. However, knowing that we'll be taking a big break after the baby is born I've tried to accomplish as much as possible now.
We did change things up. We haven't really followed any schedule this week. Although the kids' chores and my housecleaning habits suffered from this, it has kept us going! We did complete lapbooks about library books the kids checked out a while back. That was very engaging for Charlie and not so much for Kait. I guess what works won't always work for everyone! That's something I need reminded of often I guess.
Baby Jeremiah seems to be most active at night now and heartburn is a frequent visitor. I'm also trying hard not to be grumpy, but feel like I am not in control of my emotions right now! I'm going to give that to the Lord moment by moment.
For today we're off to the library and then the park. We're going to check out a new park and soak up the sunshine and cool breezes. I always hope we'll run into other homeschoolers when we're out and about!

Oh the Justifications I could give!

I began two weeks ago with a re-vamped routine, a chart of our school schedule for the kiddos, charts for the kids' chores and even a customized checklist for myself. I wanted to post the schedule, but haven't had the time to figure out the best way to do that. Well, I haven't taken the time!
Mainly we alternate our schedule, following a routine for Mondays and Wednesdays and a different routine for Tuesdays and Thursdays. Fridays are great because they are set aside for art, science, and cooking projects and for catching up on any work or chores. The first week was incredible. I am in the 6th month of my pregnancy and am really enjoying the energy I feel now. I felt empowered to stick with our schedule and I even got some housework done that had been SOOOOO neglected! Even the first part of the second week was great. And then it happened...I stayed up too late one night (watching season 3 Lost episodes and youtube videos) and the next day I was completely unmotivated to keep the routine going. Oh the justifications I can give you for that day! We still managed to get most of our subjects covered (excluding art) but the housework suffered and the kids were not kept accountable to do the little chores for which they are responsible. I think this points out my need to schedule some down time, but the question is how to relax a little, without throwing out the entire routine and package.
That last sentence sounds like I am a wonderful scheduler and extremely organized. Not so. I must have routine to function. I must write a list or I will forget. many things. My checklist for household stuff gets ignored so much that it is laughable that I have one at all. I guess I just feel like I need a goal to work toward. This has been a recurring theme in my life, the one of getting organized, energetically tackling the plan to maintain organization and then hitting a bump in the road that gets me off kilter and causes me to abandon the entire plan. Then I start it again. The encouraging thing is that every time I get knocked down I don't stay down as long as I used to. I don't beat myself up with negative thoughts and pity parties. I am seeing God's hand in my life as I grow in His grace. O thank goodness for that grace!
So I fell again. I'll just get up, dust myself off and try again. I'm so glad God doesn't give up on me, even when I want to!